No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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