Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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