I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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