I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
