its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
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