A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
