Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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