Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
