I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.