NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce