We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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