I hate all girls vehemently.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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