My sheets look like a crime scene.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
