I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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