So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
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Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do