I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
