I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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