I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I need to stop coming to work sober
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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