i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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