You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
