you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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