boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
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