The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize