did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
