Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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