she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
