I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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