Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
