i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
