Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
