I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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