Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
