so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
