haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
