there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
