She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
