Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
