walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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