You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
