my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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