Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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