How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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