I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize