Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
