I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This house was built for laser tag.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
