hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
