We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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