when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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