My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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