Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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