I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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