Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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