I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
