I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
