Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
