Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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