so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
