fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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