Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
