I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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