You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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