Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
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I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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