I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
