tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
