If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
farters have to be the big spoon...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i believe in u and ur pee
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
