The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
