Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

My girlfriend figured out who you are.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin

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(410): View more from Maryland

it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.

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(573): View more from Missouri

i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid

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(914): View more from New York

this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.

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(516): View more from New York

the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.

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(424): View more from California

Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.

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