I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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