he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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